12 Steps Please

I need a 12-Step program.

No really, one for the directionally impaired like me.

It started in my childhood where I could never read a compass in Girl Scouts. It worsened when I hit sixth grade and had to start changing classes. I kept losing my classrooms and was always late to class until I finally learned the routes.

Then God help me when I started driving. I'd have to repeat directions fifteen times to be sure I could remember them. It seemed so easy for other people- go east on First Avenue three blocks then north on Carter Street 1.5 miles, turn right onto Morgan, third house on the left. So simple an idiot could find it. Except me.

Evidently when God was handing out directional good sense, he forgot to put that tiny bit of magnetite in my head. Geese got it, turtles got it, my brothers got it but not me. As a result I'm chronically lost.

Mapquest is my best friend- I should buy some stock in it since I've used it enough that it probably goes "Oh no, not her again!" each time I sign in. If only I had a nickel for every visit, I'd be well on my way to a life of luxury.

All this getting lost business is why I'm so excited about the new GPS systems. Every time I turn around there's a new one being advertised. If I buy one I won't be getting lost anymore. But what would be the fun in that? No more scenic routes, adventures, or happy discoveries. I'm really attached to my directional style. Hmm, maybe I do need that 12-Step program after all.