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December 29, 2006

How I Survived the MLM Stalker

The MLM Stalker

Recently a MLM salesperson for Mannatech accosted me in a Kirkland's and then followed me to the mall parking lot, irresistably lured by my portable liquid oxygen machine swinging from my shoulder. I had a mental picture of their sales force following around people in wheelchairs, old folks with canes, anybody with a body part in a cast or with a conspicuous bandage, maybe lurking outside hospitals, doctor's offices and the local all-you-can-eat buffet diner.

With visions of an easy sell twinkling in her eyes, she praised their latest product as a panacea for everything from cancer to headaches, pointedly asking me what my particular health problem was - she'd never even heard of it by the way (COPD, Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease). There I am with the car window rolled down, trying to escape this person who is pressing two tapes into my hand. I'd previously been stupid enough, before she got deep into her spiel, to give her my email and phone number so now I was in some way obligated (I never figured out how) to continue this little scenario out to the bitter, inevitable end.

Before I know it she's at my house with a DVD and a CD. Dammit, now I'm trapped. I agree to watch them and do. I can't help but notice that the music plays continually and loudly in the background of the movie but there are a hell of a lot of edits in the testimonials covered by the music. Then there's the conundrum of famous doctors support this product but most doctors don't know anything about the science of the glyconutrition yet. Huh? Red flag number fifty goes up.

And when I try pulling up info on the "science of glyconutrition" I keep getting disguised ads for Mannatech and no information really on the "science" that's supposed to be involved.

I finally throw caution to the winds and toss "MLM" into Google and up comes QuackWatch. And guess who's listed there as a company to watch out for? You guessed it, baby.

Lesson learned- don't trust MLM stalkers, and watch out for Google too! Now I have to worry about the stalker returning. At least I gave the materials back to her, but I could tell she was pissed off. May have to put a garlic wreath on the door to keep her away...


Lin said...


Outstanding article on the MLM Stalker! You are an incredibly talented and funny writer! I look forward to more and soon!

I'm going to link your blog to my journals/blogs.


Lin said...

I hope folks don't think you are posting these comments yourself! We are both named LIN and spelled the same way - we'll confuse readers to no end, eh? I like that! ;o)

Lin on the east coast ;)

Lin Neiswender said...

Yep. I'm the Lin in Orlando. And I thought of that too only you beat me to the explanation. Pretty snotty if I reviewed myself!

The Other O-Town Lin